


Catharsis

by toewsandconfused



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Panty Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-06
Updated: 2012-05-06
Packaged: 2017-11-04 23:15:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/399279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toewsandconfused/pseuds/toewsandconfused
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonny’s entire life was hockey, somehow, despite their conflicting personalities, Patrick wormed his way into Jonny’s life.  And his bed.  But what Jonny never counted on was Patrick finding out his deep, dark secret.  Jonny is torn between letting Pat believe he cheated and confessing to Patrick that maybe, sometimes, he enjoys wearing women’s panties.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catharsis

**Author's Note:**

> Completely unbeta'ed, barely even proof-read. Toying with a PWP sequel if people like this.

Everyone said Jonny was a natural. Some things just can’t be taught, they would say, some things are just engrained in you. For Jonathan Toews, the thing was hockey. Sure he had coaches who helped him hone his talent, sharpen his skills, but he never really needed to be taught the game. He just understood it. He understood the mechanics of it, the physics of a flying puck, the arc of a slap shot. He just knew. Jonny loved hockey, loved it like nothing else. But there were days when he’d trade points for social skills. Any at all. The day he met Patrick topped that list. 

He heard stories about Patrick; loud, obnoxious and over the top were some of the words thrown around. But so were talented, gifted and even star. Jonny was hopeful that they’d get along but prepared himself for the worst. Jonny didn’t care if he was well liked or not, he just asked that other the other guys make the game their top priority. He didn’t expect everyone to take it as seriously as he did, but he didn’t ask them to, as long as they gave one hundred percent.

And that was the thing about Patrick. No matter how annoying and arrogant he could be, he took it every bit as seriously as Jonny. He wasn’t as outwardly serious (no one was) but on more than a few occasions he’d seen Pat come in early or stay late. Running through a drill over and over again until he got it right. 

Johnny had never been jealous of another player, sure, some excelled in areas that he struggled in but that just gave him more motivation to work harder. Practice day and night until he could do it just as well, or better. But watching Patrick’s hands, the way he handled the puck as if it were an extension of himself… No amount of practice would teach Johnny that. It was something just born in you. It seemed that Patrick, too, was a natural. 

Pat was one of those guys that everything seemed to work out for; he was well liked by every guy, not only for his on-ice dedication but for his off-ice antics as well, the coaches liked him, even the other parents liked him. All the guys on the team kind of idolized Pat and for some reason Jonny didn’t really comprehend; Pat actually chose to spend time with him once he had made enough friends to do otherwise. It was weird, they just clicked; on ice and off. Jonny didn’t understand it, but he didn’t want to question it either. He knew his teammates respected him, knew they enjoyed playing with him, but when it came down to it, Jonny was always a little socially inept and he never felt quite right hanging out with them. Patrick changed all that. Patrick was that missing piece; he smoothed Jonny’s awkward edges and made him feel a little more normal. 

Oddly it seemed like a natural progression of their relationship when Patrick tentatively leaned in and pressed a kiss against Jonny’s lips. There had been a few guys when he was younger, nothing serious, just fooling around. Something Jonny assumed he would just grow out of. But when Patrick’s body pressed against his, he knew what he wanted, knew who he was. When Pat’s hands fell to his hips, pulling their bodies together; Jonny felt exhilarated, excited, even a little scared. But mostly, Jonny felt like he was stepping out onto the ice for the first time, like he was coming home. It was that easy between them.

“We’ll go slow, Jonny.” That’s what Patrick told him that first night, “I like you, I want to do this right. You and me.” Jonny had been caught off guard by his words, by the sincerity in his voice. Patrick was rarely serious about anything off the ice, but he was serious then, looking at Jonny like an animal he might frighten away if he moved too suddenly. Although he wouldn’t call what developed a relationship, it was the closest he’d ever had. Hockey came first; people, relationships, they came second. With hockey taking up so much of his life, he usually didn’t have time for them at all. But Patrick was different. He was just as passionate about hockey, he understood, even supported Jonny’s idiosyncrasies. Things were as close to perfect as Jonny ever let himself hope for. 

Until they weren’t.

Patrick had started to spend the night, something Jonny always thought he’d hate. Having someone in his space, interrupting his routines, but the nights he fell asleep with Patrick were some of the best. Pat would fit his body against Jonny’s, curling around him tightly until not even air could slip between them; he would hold Jonny tightly against his chest and they’d sleep soundly, neither of them moving. “I’m bigger than you.” Jonny had said the first night, “I should be the big spoon.” Pat had just rolled his eyes and tightened his arms around Jonny’s waist, “Shut the fuck up asshole and let me hold you.” Jonny didn’t argue. Jonny didn’t mind sharing the bathroom with Patrick, didn’t mind side stepping him in the kitchen or arguing over what to watch before settling on the NHL channel. Things were going so smoothly, like a perfectly executed play, until a metaphorical Chris Pronger came out of nowhere and smashed him into the boards. 

Jonny had just gotten out of the shower, towel tied around his waist, tiny droplets of water falling from his hair to run down his chest. Patrick had insisted on showering first and alone, something about never really getting clean when they were in there together. But when Jonny came out of the bathroom he saw something that put more fear into him than even Chris Pronger. Patrick was standing in the middle of Jonny’s bedroom, [a lacey pair of panties](http://i45.tinypic.com/292u0yr.jpg) hanging from his finger, anger and hurt and confusion all muddled in his features. “What this?” Patrick held his hand out, fabric hanging from his index finger as if Jonny might need to get a closer look to answer the question.

Jonny’s heart was racing, he shifted into panic mode without really giving much thought to the way things must have looked to Patrick, “None of your business Patrick. Were you going through my drawers? You have no right. That’s private.” He snatched the fabric, balling it up in his fist as his chest heaved with panicked breath. He couldn’t believe Patrick had been so bold as to snoop through his things. It was beyond inappropriate. Suddenly Jonny was reminded why he didn’t let people into his life.

“Snoop through your drawers?” Patrick parroted back, looking furious that Jonny would try to turn this back on him. “They were on the floor.” Pat looked down at the spot where he’d noticed the lace peeking out from under the bedskirt, he probably wouldn’t even have noticed them if he hadn’t been hurting for a missing sock which refused to surface. “Don’t you dare try to put this on me Jonny. I trusted you. Do you know how hard that was for me? When people ask me why I spend so much time with you, I tell them all how amazing you are. Tell them, you’re my captain, that I’d follow you anywhere. And it was true. And then you do this?” 

Pat backed away from Jonny; so furious, not with Jonny for cheating, but with himself for believing that they could make this worse. Patrick felt angry laugher bubbling out of his throat, “You know my sisters told me I’d never be able to be in a real relationship. Said I didn’t take things seriously enough. But looks like that’s all on you, Captain Serious, apparently that’s only on the ice?” 

He knew he needed to stop talking, just turn around and go, but he couldn’t stop the words from pouring out. It helped distract him from the way his heart was breaking. “I tried. For you. If you didn’t want this, want us, you should have said something you mother fucker.” Patrick could feel the anger draining and he needed to get out of Jonny’s house because he actually broke down in front of the man. Jonny hadn’t said anything the entire time Patrick was screaming out his tirade and it was obvious to him that Jonny just didn’t care. Which Pat was realizing too late.

Patrick turned to leave the room, spotting the sock in the door way as soon as he pulled the door open, “See ya at practice on Monday, Captain.” As far as last words go, they weren’t as biting as he would have liked, but they said everything he wanted them to say. They weren’t together anymore. Jonny was his captain and that’s all he’d ever be. Patrick thought he was falling for Jonny, but he respected himself too much to let Jonny walk all over him.  
He storming down the dark hallway towards the living room when Jonny finally spoke, “Patrick. Stop.” He sounded the way Patrick felt, completely broken. Patrick’s head whipped around, eyes going wide, how dare Jonny try to tell him what to do after what he was putting Pat through. His audacity was insurmountable.

“No.” Patrick spat out, but betrayed his words by turning and stalking back towards Jonny, “You don’t get to tell me what to do when we’re not on the ice. You fucking cheated on me. You. Of all people.” He tried to focus on the anger, it was maddening, running through his veins like electricity. But the look on Jonny’s face was breaking his spirit, if Jonny had something to say, Pat would listen. He would give him that much. 

Jonny looked… oddly torn. As if he wanted to speak but was afraid. Patrick looked him over in the dimly lit hallway, he was still wearing the towel, only now he was wearing a look of shame on his face. The panties were balled up in his hands and Patrick just couldn’t do this anymore. “I can’t do this with you right now. I’m outta here.”

Turning in the hallway he almost missed the look of pain on Jonny’s face, he knew he wasn’t the only one hurting, but Patrick was almost pleased to see that Jonny wasn’t plastering on a stoic expression. Patrick picked up one of his shoes from the living room floor, shoving his foot into it before reaching for the other one which had rolled under the coffee table. He didn’t hear Jonny pad into the living room but he did hear Jon’s voice, strong and soft, “I didn’t cheat on you. Fuck Pat, I would never.”

Denial wasn’t what he was expecting. Begging, yes, pleading, maybe; but out-and-out lying wasn’t Jonny. “Don’t. I may not trust you as a boyfriend, lying will make me lose respect for you as a person. I don’t think I could play alongside you if that happened.” Erica had warned him about his. If things soured between them (although Erica always assumed it’d be his fault) Pat would be not only losing his lover, but his captain as well. Patrick promised himself he wouldn’t bring personal issues on the ice but Jonny was making that so difficult.

“Patrick. Please.” There was the pleading. Pat thought he’d be more pleased to hear the pain in Jonny’s voice, but it made him sick to his stomach. “Just… let me put some clothes on. We can talk about it, we can-“ 

But Patrick cut him off, shaking his head, the curls that were getting a little too long to manage sweeping down against his forehead, “No Jon. You tell me the truth, right here, right now, and maybe I’ll think about talking. But if you lie to me Jonny, that’s it.”

Jonny’s eyes slammed shut, he looked like he was shutting down, he was falling apart right in front of Patrick’s eyes. “Pat, I can’t. Please. Just trust me.”

Trust. That was almost enough to make him laugh. He didn’t respond, just turned to leave. 

Jonny must have opened his eyes, or sensed he was leaving, because he called out, “They’re mine.”

That was not what Patrick had been expecting. But nothing about Jonny seemed to be up to his expectations. Patrick turned slowly to take Jonny in, “What, like, a trophy?” Jonny didn’t seem the type to hoard away dirty panties of past lovers. And even if he was, why would they be out now. While he and Jonny seemed to be doing so well together, despite all the odds to the contrary.

As if Jonny wanted to break all the preconceived notions about how Jonny dealt with tense situations, he slammed his palm into the wall, obviously frustrated. Violence had never been Jonny’s forte. But then again, Pat thought the same thing about infidelity. “No. Fuck Pat, they’re mine.” The confusion must have shown on his face because Jon dropped the towel. For a brief moment Patrick thought Jonny was going to try to seduce his way out of this, but instead he shook the panties out from where they were balled in his fist and slipped them on. 

Patrick watched with wide eyes as Jonny slipped the red material over toned thighs and he tucked his dick perfect against his hip, the fabric taunt against his bulge. It was almost like watching Cinderella slip on the glass slipper, despite all odds, it fit.

He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Jonny’s hips, to his cock covered in the thin lace of the panties. If the situation were different he’d ask Jonny to turn for him, to let him the fabric stretched over the slope of his ass. But when he finally dragged his eyes up to Jonny’s face, he looked completely and utterly terrified. “Do you understand now?” the frustration was gone, replaced with it was a terror so severe Pat could almost feel it in the air. 

“I…” it was one of the first times in Pat’s life when he was at a loss for words, “So you didn’t cheat on me?” He felt like an idiot asking but it was the only question that really mattered. 

Jonny didn’t seem to be as amused, “No. Of course not Pat. I can’t believe you even thought…” Jonny shook his head as if clearing it from that train of thought because obviously there were more important things to talk about. “That’s all you have to say? I’m standing here in … this.” Jonny motioned at his dick, as if Pat could possibly forget what Jonny was wearing, “And you don’t have anything you want to say?” 

Patrick wasn’t sure what Jonny was expecting, but judging by the look on Jonny’s face, it wasn’t Patrick closing the gap between their bodies and falling to his knees, “Yeah. I wanna say how fucking sexy you look right now.” 

Gaping like a fish out of water Jonny shook his head, “It’s not about sex Pat. It’s not like… I mean, I don’t wear ‘em all the time. I just…”

“I don’t fucking care Jonny, I am hard as a fucking rock just looking at you.” Patrick’s head was spinning; he’d gone from walking out on Jonny, to aching just to touch his dick. He had absolutely no doubt Jonny was telling the truth, cheating was so out of character, lying even more so, but this… Well everyone had some quirks. So Jonny liked to wear women’s underwear, Pat apparently liked to see Jonny wearing women’s underwear so he was just as guilty. “Can I touch you? Please?”

Jonny’s chest had been heaving, trying to breathe through what was obviously a difficult situation for him. It was like coming out all over again, except instead of his parent’s confusion, he was faced with Patrick’s arousal. A much better alternative than the thoughts that kept him up at night. If Patrick ever found out, the best he could hope for was laughter. The worst; disgust. Maybe even telling the press. Those were the thoughts that kept him up at night. Now Patrick was on his knees in front of him and he realized the best he hoped for wasn’t the best at all. 

With a single nod from Jonny, Pat pressed his face into Jonny’s crotch, feeling the lace against his skin, Jonny’s skin under that. Nothing had ever made Jonny so breathless, or Patrick so frantic. “Jonny… This is so fucking… sexy… I just…” Pat wasn’t even sure what he was saying anymore, words tumbled from his lips as his tongue ran over the outline of Jonny’s dick. He reached up, sliding his hands around Jonny’s hips, grabbing his ass with both hands, not only did he want to feel the material, but he wanted to press Jonny tighter against his skin.

Patrick breathed heavily against Jonny’s dick, flicking his tongue over the shaft before easing down to tongue his balls where they were tucked up against his body. “Pat… please.” But this pleading was entirely different. Pat slid his hands around Jonny’s hips, thumbs brushing against the shaft as he lapped at the head through the fabric. He could taste precome as it flowed out of Jonny, quicker than it ever had before. Jonny was enjoying this just as much as he was. 

“Think you can come like this baby?” he breathed against Jonny’s heated skin, he didn’t want to remove the panties until absolutely possible. It didn’t take more than a minute, maybe two, before Jonny answered by coming inside his panties, the fluid leaking out of the holes in the lace where Pat was quick to lap it up. 

When Pat had cleaned up everything possible he crawled up Jonny’s body, pressing a heated kiss into his mouth. “Fucking asshole.” He mumbled into Jonny’s lips, “I almost left.”

“I wouldn’t have let you.” Jonny said softly, his hand sliding down Patrick’s chest towards his belt, “Let me make it up to you.”

Patrick just smiled sheepishly and shook his head, “No need.” When Jonny’s hand reached the bulge in his pants he war more than a little hurt to find him soft, as if there could have been any doubt to how turned on he had been. Before Jonny could question him, Patrick shook his head, “I came. In my fucking pants. Like a teenager.”

Jonny laughed, the perfect way to end a rollercoaster of a day, “I didn’t even see you touch yourself.”

Patrick may have blushed, just a little, embarrassed but so relieved that he had stayed to listen, and that Jonny had been honest. Had been open about an intensely private part of his life. He just shrugged and admitted, “I didn’t.”

This time Patrick didn’t object to them showering together, they were both too messy to just wipe off and neither wanted to be alone after the intense moments they shared earlier. After toweling off Patrick pulled on a pair of gray boxer-briefs, watch Jonny curiously out of the corner of his eye. He was standing in his bedroom once more, a towel wrapped around his waist like earlier, but this time he was pawing through his dresser drawer, pulling out a pair of navy blue boxer-briefs for himself. Pat walked up behind him and pressed up against Jonny’s shower warm body. He pressed a kiss to the slope of Jonny’s shoulder and just held him for a moment before speaking, “If I weren’t here, is this what you’d be putting on?” Pat saw Jonny’s eyes close in the mirror’s reflection and instead of speaking he just shook his head. Sighing, Patrick pressed another series of kisses into Jonny’s skin; they weren’t meant to arouse, just comfort, “Trust me with this.”

Jonny nodded and stepped away from Patrick’s body, he wouldn’t meet Patrick’s eyes as he moved towards the closet, coming back with a shoe box. Jonny pulled the lid off and moved to let Patrick see, over a dozen pairs of underwear; some lacey, some cotton, some had bows and flowers and some were surprisingly plain. But they were all Jonny’s. A fact that he was still trying to wrap his head around. 

Pat’s fingers danced over the material, hooking his finger into the elastic of [a navy blue and white polka dotted cotton pair](http://i47.tinypic.com/oscrxv.jpg). They weren’t overly sexy, but they looked a little worn, as if Jonny wore them often. Above all else Pat wanted him feeling comfortable. Pat knew this was a big deal for Jonny, trusting someone with something so delicate and so potentially dangerous. Patrick wanted to be the type of man Jonny could trust, and he swore to himself he would be. 

He knelt down and held the panties out for Jonny to step into, he pulled them up over his toned calves and his thick thighs. He loved Jonny’s body, he loved learning it, mapping it out with his tongue and his fingertips, this was a newly discovered side street and Pat wanted to explore it just as thoroughly. He pushed the towel off, hearing Jonny gasp softly as he slid the panties up over his hips. Gently he tucked Jonny inside the cotton; the purpose wasn’t to arouse but to comfort. To earn the trust Jonny had thrust upon him that afternoon. 

“C’mere.” Patrick grabbed Jonny’s hand and tugged him over to the mattress, pulling him down so their bodies were tucked together, “You said it wasn’t about sex.” Jonny just nodded, the silence was something Patrick had learned to accept as just a part of Jonny being Jonny, but this internalization wasn’t. “So tell me. I want to understand.” He tried to keep his voice as light as possible; he wanted Jonny to realize that he didn’t have to be defensive. For the first time in Jonny’s life he could be open about this. 

Jonny struggled with what to say, he knew he should be grateful that Pat was just blindingly accepting his deepest secret. But it was so difficult to articulate why he was keeping it a secret in the first place. If it had just been a fetish, they could have laughed it off and had some amazing sex. But it was never about sex for Jonny it was about… relief. 

“I love hockey. I do. It’s…” Jonny tried to shrug but Patrick was holding him so tightly it difficult for him to move. “It’s everything to me. Being a captain of an Original Six team was more than I ever dreamed for. I thought it would be enough just to play professionally but this. I feel like it’s what I was meant to do.” Patrick couldn’t see the correlation but he just nodded, encouraging Jonny to keep going, “But it’s all so much sometimes. Being in the NHL, being the captain. Between games and pep talks and commercials and appearances; sometimes it’s a lot. Almost too much. And this… It’s just a way to let go.” Jonny laughed softly, shaking his head, “It sounds so stupid when I say it like that.”

Pat leaned in to press tiny kisses into Jonny’s skin, “I get it. It’s the way you decompress. It could be way worse; you’re not drinking yourself stupid and fighting with cabbies… I guess it’s like, what’s the word? Cathartic.” 

Jonny just laughed, this time there was nothing soft or insecure about it. He sounded relieved, content in a way Pat had never heard before. As if he just shrugged and let the world roll right off of his shoulders. Pat’s hand fell to Jonny’s hip, rubbing a small circle with the pad of his thumb just over the waistband, “I know it’s not sexual for you but…” 

More laughter followed, Jonny swatted his hand away and rolled his eyes, “You’re a pervert.” But there was nothing condemning in his voice, it was amused and maybe a little delight. Grateful that not only did Patrick accept Jonny for his dirty little secret, but that Pat had one of his own. 

Weeks passed and despite all of Patrick’s attempts to the sway Jonny, he wouldn’t wear the panties on the road. Patrick locked the chain, told him no one would come in. Begged and pleaded but Jonny just rolled his eyes, “You need to worry more about your turn overs and less about getting laid.”

Patrick insisted he could worry about both at the same time.

Pat even bought him a pair, left them on the sink of the bathroom while Jonny was showering. Jonny came out of the bathroom in flannel pants and a faded Blackhawks shirt. Patrick tried not to look over at him, didn’t want to look too hopeful. When he finally snuck a peak he felt the cotton hitting him in the face. “I don’t know where you got them from, but I’m not wearing them.” It was his best chance, the red, [lace trimmed panties with a Blackhawks logo](http://i48.tinypic.com/29vjiux.png) right over the front. If Jonny wouldn’t even wear Blackhawks panties Patrick knew he was fighting a losing battle. He did shove them into Jonny’s road bag though, thinking maybe he’d get lucky at home.

Unfortunately as soon as they landed in Chicago they were ushered off to another appearance. It was actually one of Patrick’s favorite, an awards banquet for the local youth hockey league. It excited him to be a part of a new generation falling in love with hockey. But what excited him more was watching Jonny bend over to pick up a stray puck, catching a glimpse of red lace just above his belt. 

It was going to be a long afternoon.


End file.
